How Lori Gottlieb Triggered My Inadequacies

I recently read and absolutely loved the book Maybe you Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb.  It is a funny, vulnerable, moving, and thought provoking memoir that interweaves her experience as a therapist and her own journey in therapy with existential questions about life, grief, love, and loss.


I’ve been a therapist for nearly 20 years, and I generally feel pretty confident about my work.  But when I read this book, I questioned how I show up with clients, my therapeutic style, ways maybe I play it too safe, etc.  I thought about how I do things and reminded myself of why I do them that way and that it's okay for us to do things differently and still both have value and impact.


The case studies she shares in the book are inspiring examples of what’s possible when someone goes to therapy.  Reading them, I started comparing the transformations I see with my clients with what she describes.  I again questioned my work.  I had to remind myself that she is surely sharing her most compelling stories and that she’s not sharing the stories of cases that didn’t go as well.     


I also remind myself of the amazing transformations I HAVE witnessed over the years.  I think therapists and coaches and healers, especially those who’ve been doing it for a long while, can have a tendency to take the miracles and transformation we see on a regular basis for granted.  It’s easy to forget or undervalue the impact we’re making.   


My feelings of inadequacy were relatively minor.  But when I notice myself feeling even just TWINGES of jealousy or comparing myself to someone else, I try to use that as a springboard for growth.  I choose to believe feelings of jealousy or inadequacy when comparing myself to other people is an indicator that what they have (or some version of it) is possible for me.


So instead of getting sucked into feelings of inadequacy, I used the book and my inner curiosity and inquiry as inspiration.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve been taking more therapeutic risks.  I challenged myself in places I’ve been playing it safe.  It took courage, but good things came from it, including receiving a completely unexpected letter of appreciation!


I invite you to think about someone who triggers feelings of jealousy or inadequacy in you.  Think about what it is they get to have that you want—maybe validation, attention, feeling special or loved, etc. What small (or big) action you can take to move toward that?

I made a live video talking more about this topic in my Facebook community for therapists, coaches, healers, and wellness practitioners who want to create more abundance, success, and empowerment. Click here to come on over and join us!